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R.I.P., “Sex On The Beach”

What do an “Appletini,” a “Red-Headed Slut” and “Sex On The Beach” have in common?  Yes, the first may lead to the third with the second.  But more accurately, they are all cocktails – and even more accurately, they are all cocktails that are (or soon will be) officially and irrevocably dead and buried.  And I mean literally buried, with an actual funeral ceremony.

Annually, the Tales Of The Cocktail conference is held in New Orleans, hosted by the New Orleans Culinary and Cultural Preservation Society.  The event is sort of like the Academy Awards for cocktail aficionados, “mixologists” (read: bartenders) and the spirits industry.  Notably, for each of the past three years the the conference has held a New Orleans-style burial for a cocktail that is deemed to be overly tired and ready for permanent retirement.  Starting at the Roosevelt Hotel, the casket is carried down Royal Street, amidst dancing attendees and brass band music, in true New Orleans style.

In 2008, the “Appletini” was laid to rest.  The following year, the “Red-Headed Slut” was buried.   And this summer, “Sex On The Beach” will likewise settle into its final resting place.  These drinks are dead and buried.  They are not to be ordered, even ironically. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

On the right, an actual image of the Appletini funeral procession. For those readers who are suspicious of the picture’s authenticity, note the word “Appletini” printed on the minister’s sash (presumably, the following year the minister’s sash said “Red-Headed Slut”).

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