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Allegations salutes . . . The Fat Boys

March 13, 2012 1 comment

Here at Allegations we like food, but we also appreciate a good tune, and we pay special attention when the worlds of food and music converge.  It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, we sit up and take notice.  Occasionally, it happens in the world of Hip Hop – many rap artists have written songs in praise of their favorite foodstuffs.  A Tribe Called Quest famously sang about “Ham & Eggs” (and other foods).  MF Doom devoted a whole album to the subject of food (“Mm…Food”).  There is, however, one Hip Hop group that predates all these efforts.  This group didn’t just write a song about their favorite foods, they adopted food as their identity- fully embraced it as an expression of who they were.  And so, we present a tribute to The Fat Boys, one of Hip Hop’s pioneering ensembles.

Image

Now, by way of full disclosure – The Fat Boys will always be dear to me because their eponymous album (pictured above) was the third album I ever purchased, at the tender age of 8 (it was preceded by “Pac-Man Fever,” and Men At Work’s “Business As Usual”).  This album came two years after Grandmaster Flash’s “The Message,” and came out the same year as Run D.M.C.’s debut album, just to give an idea of its place in the old-school chronology.

The Fat Boys were (from the right), Prince Markie Dee, Kool-Rock-Ski, and The Human Beat Box.  A particular distinguishing feature of The Fat Boys was the percussive verbal stylings of “The Human Beat Box.”  He wasn’t the first to bust a beat with his mouth, or necessarily the best, but he had a distinctive style and was more than capable of carrying a song when the drum machine dropped out.  Importantly, The Fat Boys were not all gimmicks – they were decent rappers as well, they loved food, and they weighed in at a combined 750 pounds.  For a brief period they were movie stars as well.  Although they may be remembered for their star vehicle “Disorderlies,” they had also chewed up the scenery (literally) in a scene from the old school Hip Hop classic “Krush Groove.”  Here, the Fat Boys are enticed by the all-you-can-eat Italian buffet at the Sbarro on 49th St. and Broadway, which inspires them to burst into song.  The Sbarro is still there, I walk by it every day on my way to work (although the buffet, to the best of  my knowledge, is gone) – an unassuming piece of musical history in Times Square.

Now, the “reflections from jail” song is a tried-and-true Hip Hop archetype, where the narrator reflects on what got him into jail, how tough it is in there, and how he has changed as a result.  Rappers have been recording these songs since the dawn of Hip Hop (for historians, see Slick Rick – “Behind Bars,” Ice-T – “The  Tower,” and, of course, Public Enemy – “Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos.”)  The Fat Boys recorded their own “reflections from jail” song, with their own unique spin.  For those with lots of time on their hands (the song clocks in at over six minutes, including an extended instrumental break and piano solo), the video for “Jailhouse Rap” is below:

The Fat Boys have sadly passed into history, but for some, their legacy remains – a testament to an earlier and more innocent time when rap artists could be severely overweight, could beatbox throughout their records, could poke fun at themselves, could stuff  their faces at Sbarro onscreen and rap about how they got sent upstate for breaking into a pizza place and eating every pizza in sight.  Never again will there be a commercially successful hip hop act like The Fat Boys – but for a brief moment in the mid-1980s, they were the coolest cats on the block.  So, we  present this tribute to the Fat Boys.  You will never see them in the Rock-n-Roll, or even the Hip-Hop Hall of Fame (if such a thing existed), but they are an important piece of early hip hop history and, most importantly, they were not afraid to stuff their faces, film  themselves doing it and sing about it.

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Allegations at 100: Chocolate Coated, Freaky & Habit-Forming

June 30, 2011 1 comment

This marks Allegations’ 100th post.  Special thanks to all our regular readers who helped us along the way, and additional thanks to all those who stumbled over us while looking for Sandra Lee recipes or pictures of Kool-Aid Man.  We couldn’t have done without you.

I thought I would take the opportunity to share some facts and figures regarding the blog that we are privy to behind the scenes.  Since our launch in April 2010 we’ve had over 36,000 views – so we are not exactly the Huffington Post, but I guess its not bad considering we have done exactly zero to promote the site other than share it with a handful of our friends.

J. Frankfurter’s most popular post by far is “Reports Of Cookie Monster’s Demise Were Greatly Exaggerated” – in fact, it has generated 7,000 more views than the second most popular post.  This may be a result of J. Frankfurter’s keen intellect and rapier wit, or it may just be that a lot of people search for pictures of Cookie Monster on Google Images – I leave that to the reader to decide.  For whatever it is worth, it is probably one of my better posts and it debunks an insidious urban myth, so it serves a public service function as well.

J. Burger’s most popular post is “Popsicles are the new cupcakes.”  J. Burger strolls upon the cutting edge and this post is no exception – people seem to be linking back to it, unsurprisingly, as it provides invaluable advice for hip snackers and popsicle fans alike.

J. Frankfurter’s second most popular post is “Shame  On You For Looking At Food Porn – Part 2.”  Well, what can I say? It is surprising how many people stumble across our site after searching for “food porn” or “bacon porn.”   Well, here at Allegations we like to give the public what it wants – food, porn and snarky commentary.  If you feel you need a primer on food porn, and can’t just jump in at Part 2 of our ongoing series, then Part 1 can be found here.

J. Burger’s second most popular post is “Willy Wonka and The Gorton’s Fisherman Walk Into A Bar.”  Back when I was a young and naive blogger with more free time on my hands, I challenged J. Burger to cook a “food that hadn’t been invented yet” (courtesy of this Village Voice article).  I went first, cooking up a veal liver creme brulee which I ended up concluding wasn’t all that outrageous, and tasted really good on toast with strawberry jam.  J. Burger responded by cooking up chocolate-covered fish sticks.  How did they turn out? Well, you can go here to find out, suffice to say that the commenters were not impressed.

So, hopefully I’ve enticed you to click through to some of our greatest hits.  Thanks again for your patronage – it wouldn’t be much fun if we were playing to an empty theater every night, so its good to know there are at least a few people out there in the seats.

Categories: Food Media

NYC To Food Trucks: Drop Dead

June 29, 2011 1 comment

If you work in midtown, you’ve witnessed them steadily rolling  into the neighborhood and aggressively staking their claim to white collar lunch dollars.  I’m talking about food trucks. Not food carts, which are a different animal entirely, but trucks, which can roll with impunity around the city, appearing at 46th and 6th one day, and in Williamsburgh that evening.  Many lavish praise on these trucks – they are “the next big thing,”  the dream career for hipsters and oppressed  lawyers and bankers alike.  People will line up around the block to buy their lunch at these places, then brag about it in their offices.  Others deride them as “hipster food trucks,” run by slackers who are making a quick buck off the back of the old school street vendors who have been breaking their back for  years to establish their clientele, only to have them stolen by some guy selling waffles off the  back of a truck.  And yet, they have kept rolling into midtown and all over the City, literally lined up on the sides of the street, dispensing waffles, dumplings, desserts, tacos, falafel and weinerschnitzel.  Even truckin’-before-it-was-cool stalwart Mr. Softee has gotten in on the action, sending a veritable fleet of trucks into midtown and offering modern crowd-pleasing flavors like “potato chip chocolate dip” cones.

As shocking as it may seem, this golden age of the food truck has now passed into history.  On May 24, New York State Supreme Court Judge Geoffrey D. Wright issued a decision re-affirming a Transportation Department regulation, decades old, which provides that “No vendor, hawker or huckster shall park a vehicle at a metered parking space” to offer “merchandise for sale from the vehicle.” And apparently, the city is now enforcing the regulation, forcing food trucks out of their metered spots, to wander the city aimlessly, uneaten weinerschnitzel growing cold in the back.  Indeed, the Police Department has officially announced its intent to enforce the law, not just in midtown but throughout the five boroughs.  The end of an era is truly over, as the food trucks languish out of the spotlight, like cretaceous dinosaurs struggling hopelessly in the tar pits that will be their tombs.

Meanwhile, in midtown, life goes on.  The line at Moishe’s Falafel Cart went around the block today, and the only sign of food trucks was some sort of pizza truck parked in front of a hydrant and frantically selling slices before New York’s finest showed up.  Business was risk at the Biryani Cart, and at Kwik Meal across the street.  I did not visit Trini-Paki Boys down the street, but they have some of the most fiercely devoted customers of any cart, so I am sure they were just fine. You see, these carts, as opposed to the trucks, have designated locations on the sidewalk and thus the law does not apply to them.  In fact, the cart owners are probably breathing a sigh of relief that their tech-and-media savvy, well-financed and mobile army of competitors has been defeated by the City.

And frankly, while the food trucks have twitter accounts, top of the line equipment, and good publicists, they are, as group, missing something that is the essence of street food: good food at good value.  Its not that you can’t get good food from a truck, often it can be good (although just as often, not).  But even if it is good, it may be overly expensive.  The fact is, there are very few trucks that deliver good food at good value.

If I have to choose between the trucks and the carts, I’ll take the carts, every time.

But for trucks fans, all is not lost.  The Parks Department has taken a keen interest in mobile foodstuffs, so NYC parks  may soon become a haven for displaced trucks.

Parents Vs. Childless In Anonymous Internet Smackdown

June 28, 2011 3 comments

A few months ago Eater posted a short blurb to the effect that Dale Levitski, AKA goofy Dale from Top Chef Season 3, will start serving brunch at his Chicago restaurant “Sprout,” with the real news being that no kids are allowed, in an otherwise kid-friendly neighborhood.  “Anyway”, observes Eater “we’re sure the stroller class is going to get up-in-arms about this.”  So, you can see where this is going. 

Flash forward to June when J. Frankfurter is aimlessly clicking around Eater and comes across this seemingly innocuous write-up.  Having two children himself, who he frequently brings to restaurants, J. Frankfurter stops to read the article.  It becomes quite clear that Eater has only bothered to report on this piece of non-news for the purpose of provoking some controversy – and indeed, the comments section has quickly devolved into a full-on flame war.

Some readers are fully supportive of this policy, and seem to have some preconceived notions about parents:

There are more brunch options in chicago than buildings in some suburbs i.e. don’t go to sprout if you have kids. That’s it! Just, don’t, go; the rest of us will have a splendid time while you’re conversing about what new-agey parenting books you just read and if you foresee patronizing a charter school, or tossing your offspring into the CPS.

Other readers seem to feel that having kids around will cramp their style

Do you know how hard it is to have a nice, quiet, brunch without your messy brats SCREECHING in my ear? It’s Sunday. I want quiet. I am hungover. I am going to talk about how hungover I am, graphically. And maybe what drugs my friends did, and who hooked up with whom. No kids, yay!

This draws a swift and decisive reaction:

I think YOU should stay home. You’re the one with the problem, not me. If I want to take my SCREECHING kids out to brunch, not only will I do that, I’ll personally seek your hungover ass out just to piss you off.

Finally, a voice  of reason chimes in:

Nice. Just, nice. What we all need is more confrontation about silly-ass things. All of you, grow up.

But it is ignored:

Why should I be allowed to have one nice, quiet, place where I can enjoy a meal with friends and not have to worry about it being ruined by obnoxious children? You chose to have kids, I chose not to. Don’t force your lifestyle choices on me. And at BRUNCH no less, in front of the EGGS.

And then things just get ugly:

By the way, those of us who /choose/ to continue the human race actually do expect a little thanks from selfish little non-breeding jerks, just like you.

And stupid:

Really? Seriously? I’ll spare you the points here about overpopulation, et. al. So you get no thanks from me for the great service you’re doing to me with your offspring.

And from there things just go downhill:

What a pompous ass. Maybe there should be restaurants where men can’t go? Women? Black people? Chinese?

Then everyone gets all insulted and offended that someone would equate this to racism and sexism, etc.  Then finally someone named “Lynette Spring Baker” chimes in with this:

To all the parents with well-behaved, respectful children who feel slighted, let’s face it: some less-than-stellar parents ruined it for you. Please place your angst where it belongs.

So, time for my rant now that we have gotten through that unpleasantness. 

First of all, I’ll just state the obvious – these people are all idiots. Second of all, I am a parent of two energetic children, ages 4 years and 21 months.  I like to go out and eat in restaurants, and I do so often, with my children.  Here’s where I stand on this issue: more power to Dale Levitski if he wants to keep children out of his restaurant. Frankly, I could care less, and the fact is, most other places are kid-friendly. 

In regard to bringing my own children to restaurants, I follow my own set of guidelines that are intended to prevent them from ruining other people’s meals.  Call it self-policing.  The way I see it, in exchange for me following these guidelines, the other patrons of a restaurant can, in return, STFU and mind their own business. 

Here are my guidelines:

1) I will not take the kids to restaurants that are clearly not kid-friendly, or that are excessively quiet/romantic.

2) I will bring along toys, games and/or art supplies to keep them busy and quiet.

3) I will keep them from running around the restaurant.

4) I will tip very generously if my kids make a big mess, or create lots of extra work for the waitstaff

5) I will remove the kids from the premises if they start screaming or causing a loud disruption

So that’s my end of the deal, and I’ll keep it.  But if you’re hung over and don’t feel comfortable sitting near two little kids, too fucking bad for you. I’ve been up since before 7am and probably had a bad nights sleep, and I could care less if I’m cramping your style.

Beauty Is In The Eye of The Beholder

June 27, 2011 2 comments

On July 23, 2011, those who have been searching for “Meatopia” all their life can find it in Brooklyn Bridge Park.  What is “Meatopia,” you might ask?  While Plato contemplated his utopia ruled by philosopher kings, Meatopia contemplates a happy hunting ground for carnivores who live within traveling distance of Brooklyn and who enjoy a hot afternoon of drinking beer amongst the unwashed masses, waiting in line and stuffing themselves with the meat and entrails of every 4-legged animal imaginable. Sounds like your idea of a good time?  Your appreciation of such an event will largely hinge on your reaction to the following:

The Meatopia 2011 Menu

Robert Newton
Seersucker
Bacon and Sorghum-Glazed Quail with Watermelon-Sweet Corn Salad

Seamus Mullen
Tertulia
Spit-Roasted Whole Sheep

April Bloomfield
The Breslin Bar & Dining Room
Barbecued Whole Mulefoot Hog

Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo
Animal
Grilled Chicken Hearts with Burnt Eggplant Puree

Eddie Huang
Baohaus
“Doomtopia” Stew: Taiwanese-Style Pig Foot, Oxtail, and Beef Cheek Stew

Yuhi Fujinaka
Bar Basque
Hampshire Hog Seven Ways

Naomi Pomeroy
Beast
Braised Beef Cheeks with Sour Cherry Glaze and Rustic Summer Herb Salad

Serafim Ferdeklis
bZgrill
Cypriot-Style Pork Gyro

Aaron Sanchez
Centrico
Whole Goat Monterrey-Style Tacos with Pickled Onion

Nate Appleman
Chipotle Mexican Grill
Chorizo Tostada with Tomatillo Salsa and Queso Fresco

Harold Moore
Commerce
Roasted Chicken with Foie Gras Croutons, Potato Puree, and Super Jus

Eduard Frauneder and Wolfgang Ban
Edi & The Wolf
Crispy Pig’s Head Torchon with Green Beans and Horseradish

Julia Jaksic
Employees Only
Grilled Cevapi (Croatian Sausage) with Pita, Kajmak, Onions and Tomatoes

Scott Smith
Rub
Double-Smoked Pastrami Burnt Ends

Ron Silver
Bubby’s Pie Company
Sausage and Bacon-Packed Pork Pie

RL King
Hundred Acres
Pork Rilletes, Country Pate, Tongue Salad and an Assortment of Pickles and Spreads

Orhan Yegen
Bi Lokma
Turkish-Style Lamb Breast Stuffed with Fragrant Rice

Jo Ng
RedFarm
Kowloon-Style Beef Short Rib Tart

Floyd Cardoz
North End Grill
Roast Baby Goat with Arugula and Sweet Onion Salad

Anthony Goncalves
42
Lamb Belly with Toasted Couscous, Radish, Piri Piri

Franklin Becker
Abe & Arthur’s
Grilled Kalamansi-Spiced Chicken Thighs Served with Scallion-Tomatillo Salsa

Amanda Freitag
The Food Network’s Chopped
Jamaican Jerk Chicken Thighs with Grilled Green Onion and New York Cornbread

Robbie Richter/David Shuttenberg
Big Apple BBQ/Dickson’s Farmstand Meats
“Meatopia” Sausage

Charles Grund, Jr.
Hill Country Barbecue
Texas-Style Barbecued Mangalitsa Pork Belly

Chris Hastings
Hot And Hot Fish Club
Elk shoulder Crepenettes with Olives, Clementines, Almonds and Frissee Salad with Anchovy Vinaigrette

Sean Brock
Husk (Charleston, SC)
Carolina Whole Ossabaw Hog BBQ with Field Pea and Ramp Chow Chow, Cooked Over Wood Embers and Pig Bone Charcoal

Ignacio Mattos
Costillar a las Brasas: Whole Roasted Veal Ribcage and Sweetbreads with Chimichurri

Philippe Massoud
ilili Restaurant
Sumac and Zataar-Spiced Grilled Lamb Ribs with Lebanese Salad

Michael Psilakis
Kefi
Greek Lamb Offal Mixed Grill

Ludo Lefebrve
LudoBites
Korean Marinated Hanger Steak with Goat Cheese Chantilly and Cauliflower Paper

Aaron Israel
Mile End
Bahn Juif – Jewish Bahn Mi – Petcha, Ground Veal and Garlic Chopped Liver

Fred Donnelly
Mo Gridder’s World Famous BBQ
Hand-Pulled Pork with Cherry Smoked and Dry Rubbed Baby Back Ribs

Eric Johnson
Mr. Bobo’s World Famous Traveling Allstars!
Barbecue Braised Beef Ribs with Bourbon-Infused Sweet Potatoes and Cabbage

Floyd Cardoz
North End Grill
Roast Baby Goat with Arugula and Sweet Onion Salad

Michael White/Bill Dorrler
Osteria Morini
Spit-Roasted Hampshire Porchetta with Sage, Rosemary and Lemon

Brad Farmerie
Public
Black Pudding Waffles with Red Wine Poached Pears and Whipped Foie Gras Butter

Bobby Hellen
resto
Veal Belly Gyros with Grilled Radish

Adam Sappington
The Country Cat Dinner House & Bar
Crispy Pig Head Stuffed with Scrapple on a Buttermilk Biscuit with Oregon Chow Chow

Craig Koketsu
The Hurricane Club
Grilled Duck Magret with Green Papaya

Daniel Holzman
The Meatball Shop
Spicy Lamb Sloppy Joes

Sam Barbieri
Waterfront Ale House
Maple-Cured and Smoked Wild Boar Ham and Belly with Home-Made Mustard and Pickles

John Schafer
Wildwood Barbeque
Pulled Pork Sandwiches with Chipotle BBQ Sauce and Creamy Coleslaw

Shane McBride
Balthazar
Whole Smoked Hampshire Hog

Mike Price
Market Table
Nose-to-Tail Ground Veal Hoagies with Pickled Peppers

John Rivers
4 Rivers Smokehouse
Pulled Pork Shooters and Collard-Infused Cheese Grits over a Black-Eyed Pea Puree

At this point you should probably have a good idea of whether “Meatopia” would be your own personal utopia, or your own personal hell.  For those insatiable carnivores, unable to coexist peacefully with your fellow mammals, tickets can be bought here.

Accepting the Lard Back Into Your Life

June 23, 2011 1 comment

For years, the butt of jokes, the source of shuddering revulsion – lard has been the most reviled cooking fat for many generations.  It wasn’t always this way.  At one time, lard was cooking fat’s It Girl.  As these cheery advertisements indicate, lard was once marketed as a sensible lifestyle choice, for hip power couples and families alike.  But eventually, lard was eclipsed by butter and its ugly stepsister, margarine – and later on by sexy newcomers like olive oil.   So indeed lard has been relegated to become the Jimmy Carter of cooking fat, toiling away quietly and doggedly in certain regions of the country, in pie crusts and the like, while remaining the subject of derision for many.

So- the question arises, do you even know what lard really is? Yeah, sure, it has lots of fat, beef fat, or something.

In fact, it is pig fat.  Pig fat is all the rage these days, at least around New York City.  Restaurants like Fatty Crab, Fatty Cue, the Momofukus and many more have basically been created to serve you pig fat.   They call it pork belly.  If you’re really hungry you can get a Bo Ssam, or a suckling pig and feed a crowd.   So – if all the love for pig fat, why no love for lard?  Because its so bad for you! Well, maybe yes, maybe no.  According to the Source Book For Food Scientists (2d ed. 1991) by Herbert W. Ockerman, lard has less saturated fat and less cholesterol than butter by weight, and no transfats.   So, in some respects, you are better off using lard than butter.

So, you are ready to accept the lard back into your life – what to do with it?  Here is a recipe in which lard is a very traditional and crucial ingredient, but which I think most people will want to eat regardless of their prejudices.  So if you are ready to fall in love with lard all over again, give it a whirl:

Tamales De Dulce (Sweet Tamales)

Makes 24 tamales

This recipe is from “Fonda San Miguel: Thirty Years of Food and Art,” by Tom Gilliland,  Miguel Ravago and Virginia B. Wood (Shearer Publishing).

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups vegetable
shortening or lard
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 1/2 cups masa harina
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 10 3/4 ounce can chicken broth
1/4 cup raisins
1 teaspoon anise seeds
1/4 cup chopped candied citrus peel
24 corn husks

Instructions:
In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the lard until fluffy, about three to five minutes. Add sugar, salt and cinnamon; beat to blend. In a smaller bowl, whisk together the masa harina, baking powder and chicken broth. With the mixer on low speed, add the masa mixture, a little bit at a time and mix until all ingredients are incorporated. Fold in the raisins, anise seeds and citrus peel. Set aside.

Soak the husks in hot water for about 20 minutes or until they are soft and pliable. Drain and pat dry with paper towels. Put 2 tablespoons masa down the center of each husk. Follow pictures for folding. Place the rack in the steamer and pour in enough water so that it just touches the rack. Stand the tamales on the rack, open end up. Bring the water to a boil, cover and steam for about 45 minutes. Serve warm.

Summer Lunchin’

June 22, 2011 1 comment

Here at J. Frankfurter’s Place Of Business, summer is truly here with the arrival of this year’s crop of summer associates, AKA 2nd year law students who work at the firm all summer, pick up a fat paycheck and get efficiently wined and/or dined by  a sampling of lawyers at the firm.  Yes, “Summer Lunchin'” has commenced, and I am reminded of the classic song from one of America’s most beloved musicals

Summer Lunchin’ – had me a blast
Summer Lunchin’ – happened so fast
went to Nobu, ate langoustine
it was free, if you know what I mean

For summer associates, this is a chance to get out and try all those expensive restaurants that you heard were good but could never really afford.  For associates, it is a chance to get out and have a decent meal after shoveling lunch into your mouth while seated at your desk all winter.  In honor of this joyous season, I present a short field guide for summer associates who will be doing lots of summer lunchin’ over the next month or two:

1) “$50 Supp.” means $50 in addition to what the meal costs.  Best to look elsewhere

2) Learn to use chopsticks.  Alternatively, avoid splashing soy sauce all over associates with your poor chopstick skills

3) Don’t sign up for lunch at an all-sushi restaurant if you don’t eat sushi, or sign up for lunch at a steakhouse if you are opposed to eating beef.

4) Don’t insist on ordering dessert and/or coffee when it is clear that no one else at the table is doing so and it will extend the meal by 20+ minutes.

5) Don’t check your Blackberry 50 times during the meal.  It is highly unlikely that something is so pressing that you have to respond to it within minutes.

6) Sweetbreads are neither sweet nor bread

7) if you guzzle ice teas, you will spend the afternoon peeing

8)  if the associate who is taking you out picked the restaurant, keep your opinions to yourself regarding the quality of the food, the size of the portions and service.

9) lunches with partners are more likely to include wine or beer, but correspondingly the odds of awkward and uncomfortable conversations are increased

10) No matter how fancy the restaurant, the ice tea tastes pretty much the same as every other restaurant

11) Just about any 3+ course meal will put you in a food coma, even if you ordered the salad and the fish.

12) if you consider yourself a “foodie,” or something similar, find the associates who share your interests – otherwise, you will end up going to Del Frisco’s again and again.

13) your breadplate is on the left (good advice for anyone)

14) It is not okay to order only a tiny salad and just sit there the rest of the meal. You can do that at your desk, all winter long.

15) Don’t turn up your nose at restaurants that do not get rave reviews – lunch at Mars 2112 could be a lot more fun than a stuffy 3 hour lunch at a 3-star restaurant.

16) Go to the outer boroughs whenever possible.  That is where the real food is, for cheap.

17) finding a live critter in your salad just means it is especially organic and fresh, so don’t freak out about it