Posts Tagged ‘quiznos’

Quiznos Ad Wizards Do It Again

July 20, 2010 3 comments

While McDonalds is content to run its feel good, “slice of life,”  anytown U.S.A. ads, Quiznos is aggressively raising the bar for kinky, off-putting or downright bizarre commercials.  We are well beyond “Jared” and his feel-good aspirational backstory – previously Quiznos has brought us  “Two Girls One Sub,”  apparently inspired by a similarly named web site (don’t Google it) as well as the notorious “Toasty Torpedo,”  with its kinky man-on-machine homoerotic overtones.

However, the ad wizards at Quiznos have outdone themselves this time by producing an ad so annoying and bizarre, it is a complete mystery as to how it is intended to sell their product, or do anything other than inspire rage in viewers who are forced to sit through it ad nauseum.  All I can think when watching this is that they started out trying to create a sort of catchy “five dollar foot long”-type commercial, which just degenerated into what you see now. Anyway, here it is:

I understand that Quiznos’ previous commercials ultimately fall into either the “clever” or “sexy” category, but exactly what does this one (entirely lacking both cleverness and sexiness) have to offer?  It is a total enigma. It doesn’t even have the sort of faux-hip self-awareness of those Burger King ads where the “King” is running around handing out burgers.  It is just…..odd.

Anyway, for those who did not catch it in previous posts, and just to give a flavor of Quiznos’ particular brand of madness, here is an encore of “toasty torpedo”:


It has been brought to  my attention that this most recent commercial is likely an attempt to “recreate the magic” from Quiznos earlier “singing rodent” commercials, which are quite strange but not as flummoxing in that they have a sort of “Ren & Stimpy” wackiness to them, which the singing kittens entirely lack.  Anyway, you be the judge:


Shame On You For Looking At Food Porn – Part 2

June 4, 2010 2 comments

Happy Friday! What could be a better way to kick off the weekend than with a disapproving yet titillating look at some food porn?  Our previous post on the topic documented a number of sexy advertisements for food.  However,  as one might expect, food porn is everywhere and there is far more than could ever fit in a single post.  So, to start things off, on my right, Paris enjoys a mammoth Carl’s Jr. Burger – although it looks suspiciously as if she is just resting her face on it, rather than taking a giant bite. Not so sexy, Paris.  She obviously needs to take a page from Padma Lakshmi’s book when to comes to sexy burger consumption.

So, here we see the trend continue – the convergence of food and sex in advertising.  The question remains – where does it all lead?  What are the long term consequences of intertwining sex and food (particularly fast food) in this manner?  The next time I sit and survey the IHOP menu, will I find myself aroused at the the mere mention of “Rooty Tooty Fresh N’ Fruity”?

So let’s get into it: First up, this is not an ad, but it is certainly food porn.  And not only is it food porn, it is BACON porn.  For those friends of the author who post incessantly about bacon on Facebook, this is for you.

Girls, eat those salads because “bac-ini” season will be here before you know it……

Next up, Auntie Anne’s “Dog Du Jour.”  A different approach here……

This ad is from the fast food burger chain Steer’s, which I am not very familiar with – however, I applaude them for boiling their commercial down to the bare essence of food porn, with no unnecessary attempts at narrative, commentary or structure.

In this Burger King spot,  a young man finds out that a greasy chicken sandwich can be quite a turn-on when bestowed with unsubtle phallic symbolism.

I’m not sure where this comes from, but for those who thought that the “bac-ini” was the last word in food porn, this shows just how sexy vegetables can be (may be NSFW if your employer objects to vegetables being rubbed in a suggestive manner).

And finally, last but certainly not least, we arrive at “Two Girls One Sub,” brought to you by the depraved minds at Quiznos.  This one delivers pretty much exactly what the title promises.  Just as a note, Quiznos is also responsible for the “Toasty Torpedo” commercials featured in our previous food porn extravaganza – who the heck is in charge over there?